Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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