My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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