3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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