I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
