my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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