It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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