I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
