I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
