The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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