I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
