I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
