I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
