you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
