is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize