I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
