I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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