You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
what the fuck happened to the tacos
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
