Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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