I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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