Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
