just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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