I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
