Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
