weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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