so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My feet surprised me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
