Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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