If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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