It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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