nut hugger
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
