have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
