...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
