you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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