I think I am morally bankrupt
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
