a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
