wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
