I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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