Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
