my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
