So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
