and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
