Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
