Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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