so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
