you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
