At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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