I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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