Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
