he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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