LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize