I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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