His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
