Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
