gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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