Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize