Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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