Swine flu. Run for my life!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
