You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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