The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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