how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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