google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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