apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
