Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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