my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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