Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
