dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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