Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The Olympian is in my bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
