I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
