either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
