okay pat passed out under dana's car
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
