I just made out with a guy for $7.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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