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Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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