dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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