I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
