I'm really into asian looking animals
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
