I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
did you just send me my own nude
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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