and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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