eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
