My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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