Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
