Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
