this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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