i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we should paint friendship bongs
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