THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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