nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
