I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
