Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
