I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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