well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
