Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
