Do you still have your period?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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