in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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