I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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