i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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