I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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