There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
